There’s been a series of closed doors in my life lately, and the most recent one has sent me reeling. It’s cut me to my core and revealed the work that I still need to do regarding self worth and confidence.
It’s frustrating, because after all this time of self-reflection and processing traumatic events, I thought I was done.
I thought it would be smooth sailing from here on out.
Instead, it’s time to batten down the hatches and dig back in. Suck it up, Buttercup.
“When your time in the waiting place comes, go there willingly and learn to wait patiently. Trust the process instead of trying to control the outcome. A better reality you may have never considered might be trying to come to fruition, but your desire to control might be blocking it. Be open enough for it to be revealed. Wait with hope. Every day in the waiting place is a chance to harness your ability to cultivate happiness in your mind, no matter the circumstance. The choice is whether you allow the waiting place to change you for the better or to make you bitter. Let it make you better.”
I’ve planted seeds in the universe for a wide variety of next steps. I’ve been actively submitting resumes and growing my network on LinkedIn. I’ve been writing. I solicited an agent for my latest work in progress. I scheduled a consultation with a full-time author who is living my dream and I am taking steps to follow her advice to the letter. I applied for a Storyknife residency in Alaska. I educated myself on content marketing and earned a new certification. I downloaded a new app for my Shopify store and have watched hours of videos to learn how to create custom landing pages with higher conversion rates.
I am a woman of action. I don’t sit back on my laurels and lick my wounds. I always move forward. I always focus on the things I can control.
This week, something I wanted and saw as the next big step in securing my future didn’t work out and it crushed me. After a few days of processing the events and a week of sleepless nights, I am at a place of peace. I have accepted this closed door and have taken steps to open the next.
Getting back to what I want and need to succeed is going to be critical right now. Self care and staying focused on what I’ve accomplished instead of what hasn’t worked out will be key. Waiting patiently, opening up, and allowing the universe to line up my next opportunity has been difficult in the past. This seems to be the next big lesson I need to learn.
I won’t dig up the seeds I’ve sown, frustrated at their lack of growth. Instead, I will focus on planting more seeds in my garden that are true to the values and life I want to live.
My harvest is coming. Someday, I will look back at this moment with complete clarity and understanding from a higher vantage point. It will all make sense. Today is not that day, and it is okay.
Wait with hope. Wait patiently. Stop trying to control the outcome. Ninya circa 2020 might have had some valid points.
P.S. I’ve decided to listen to her.
XOXO Ninya aka (Blair Bryan)
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